Borus the Vulgarian Jester
Name Given at Birth: Borus Van Vel Vulcan Vici Viktor, after my grandfathers. But, my papa decided he was to break this chain. Then he broke a few more by naming his daughter a boy’s name.
Nicknames: Borus
Hometown or where you were born: A small village outside of Khaamski, Vulgaria
Current Residence: Palace of Khaamski, Vulgaria
Age: Ten and two plus three with eleven months and four days and perhaps an hour, three seconds… four seconds… five…six….
Class: Royal Servant, I am the Jester. Only the best for my king.
What do you do, your main function in life/society: I am the Royal Jester, such a big role for a person my age, much less for a girl. I travel when I can with the royal family, entertaining them, keeping them happy and laughing. My goal is to make them all pink in the face with laughter. I got close once, but Prince Trichinella was choking.
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping / do you know how to swim: Swimming yes, dipping… maybe a toe to check the temperature. I am a Vulgarian, we live right against a sea. The King makes us all learn how to swim before we go overseas, so I’ve been taught recently. My teacher told me I swim like a rock. Isn’t he so nice?
Do you make fun of people: Yes, for the entertainment of the royal family. Of course, I dare not make fun of any of them! I have some sense. But, anyone else is fair game if I am subtle enough in his or her presence. Except the English Jesters, I love to taunt them as openly as possible. The apprentice especially, whom I call Enngleesh. Meanie-evil-not-nice Enngleesh. But his master, Giacomo, seems nice enough. We have no conflict… yet.
Favorite Color: I don’t know why the royals like colors so much. Hurts my eyes very much badly to stand near Petronella especially. My favorite color is black! It dark, simple and goes with everything!
Have you ever committed or been convicted of a crime: In fact, I have once… it’s a long story involving a duck and three buckets of pudding.
Closest friends/How did you meet: The King and I are rather close friends, but he is more like a father figure. The king heard me telling a joke to a baker for food and the next thing I knew, I was in the throne room, in my wonderful new outfit and telling my nationally famous jokes to the family. He’s a sweet king and he takes very very very very good care of me. I have to stop myself from calling him Papa.
Then, there’s dear Oovalla. Once, I was wondering the streets, trying to make more jokes for my king when I looked into a yard. In the middle was a stool stuck into the ground and a little puppy tied to it, stuck in the heat. I felt such sadness for the poor thing, I rescued the creature. I named my new pet stool Oovalla. We only separate when I go away with the royal family or I have to do my job. Oova helps me come up with my best jokes.
One Pillow or two: Three, actually. Not only does my head need to sleep, but so do my feet. Then, I need one more for Oovalla.
Pets: Oovalla, my pet Vulgarian Black Coated stool
Favorite Type of Music: I’m not the biggest of music lovers, but I’ll listen to some polka with the family when I need to be with them. Then again, those gypsies can keep my foot tapping.
Hobbies/Pastimes: Making up jokes and teasing other jesters. I also enjoy adventures with Oovalla. Like playing in the gardens and looking for worms.
Personal Hygiene: If I must or if it’s ordered by the king.
Favorite Food: Zucchini soup with a twist… radish chunks!
Are your parents alive, do you get along with them: My papa isn’t alive anymore and I’m not sure about my mother. She wasn’t there when I was growing up.
If your parents are dead, when and how did they die: Papa told me mother walked out of the house and she kept walking. When I was eleven, Papa refused to shave his beard anymore and the village took him away, claiming he was a werewolf. I went to the jail to find they had already released him. When I was heading back home, I found his coat and a boot. Never did I see my papa again. I don’t mind, I have a new father-…er. New fatherly and motherly figures.
Favorite place to relax: Under my bed with Oovalla
Favorite Holy Day / Why: I really don’t have a favorite… but I do like the one with food… you know, the one during that time? With the people?
Favorite Drink: Milk with a radish slice
What's your bedtime: Whenever Oovalla tells me to.
What, if anything, do you usually wear on your feet: My boots! I took my papa’s boot and when I got enough money, I had a pair like it made to fit me. I do miss him, the boot is under my mattress.
Are you married or single: Single! I have many years left before I should think of such things!
Do you have a family / who are they: The royal family! They are very, very dear to me. I love hearing the King laugh, no matter what, I usually have to laugh with him. It’s so contagious! I feel more like a child then an employee. And the Queen, she’s such a beautiful woman. She’s like the mother I never had… I don’t know if she sees it like that, but I do. The princesses and the prince seem more like friends to me than siblings. They’re nice enough, but I am still new, it may take time… but I can’t wait to get to know them more. The minister of war is a bold, strong man, I’m proud to know him. He is a great commander of our glorious army.
Favorite Entertainment: My own jokes
Favorite Subject in School or Chore growing up: I prefer detention above all others, I learned a lot from that wall.
Least Favorite Subject in School or Chore growing up: I really don’t like the lessons with those things one calls… nugh…. Numbers.
Favorite Sport: Joke competitions. In Vulgaria, I win most of the time, I can’t wait to test the English jesters. From what the family has told me, I am much much better than they. Who can blame them?
Most Humiliating Moment: I told a joke to the king during throne room time and he gave me a real stern look. I’ll never tell such a joke again.
Proudest Moment: The time I almost got everyone to turn pink in the face.
Craziest Person or silliest you know: Me! And Oovalla, my muse. Scarabella’s a silly Vulgarian, wears the silliest of clothes. But, she’s a sweet princess, we let the clothes go for her sake. Tricky’s funny too, he inspires me sometimes as well.
What do you look for in the opposite sex: Chin beards.
In our Hierarchical Society everybody has somebody "over" them, Who is your immediate "overlord": The King! Of course!… Also the entire family.
Favorite Sport to watch: Joke competitions! I both like to watch and play.
Do you remember your first kiss: Yech, again, I have a few years before that.
Do you keep in touch with your childhood friends: Nope! They all died of disease. Then again, I’m still a child and if you count the friends I have now, then yes. Mostly.
Where is your favorite "Vacation" spot: Canterbury, it’s the only place outside of Vulgaria I’ve been to.
Have you ever been overseas: Now I have, thanks to the recent conflict.
Do you have Dirt/Mud floors or Stone: Stone, only the best in for the royal family and their loveable jester.
What is your bed made of: Bed things, a mattress, blanket, pillows, stool. What more could a jester want?
How many people sleep in your bed: Me and Oovalla
10 Things Everybody Should Know About Me:
1. I love hearing the king laugh with his wife
2. I am the best jester in all of Vulgaria if not the world.
3. I play tricks with Tricky. He thinks I’m depressing, but I’m really not. But why put the poor boy down about being wrong?
4. I think the family thinks I’m a man. I’m really not, but again, why stop them? Though, it does get weird when they introduce me to girls.
5. I ate a bug yesterday.
6. I learned my first jokes from a blind, paralyzed man under a bridge.
7. Even though I miss my real Papa, it hurts less with my new family.
8. A man I met stole my name once, I was not happy one bit.
9. The king’s belches are the only things I think could be funnier than I.
10. I really don’t like radishes that much, only in small portions.